grandma shit on top of the toilet
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
