i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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