Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
