after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
