I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
