I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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