I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
