my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
