Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
