Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
