i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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