at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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