I love black thongs
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
