She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
