Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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