I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
