My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
