Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
