i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
