Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
