My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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