i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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