I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
