fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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