dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We are all done wearing pants today
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
