I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
