All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
