what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
is that a dick in a sweater?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
