drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
