My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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