can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm always down for nudity.
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