If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I want to fling myself into the sun
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
