I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Randomize
