i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
