Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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