Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
