Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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