I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
