is your mom at the bar?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
