Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
