i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
what the fuck happened to the tacos
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
