laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
