We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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