last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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