Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
