woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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