hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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