I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
