I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
