So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
